Disclaimer: the following does not apply to everyone. This is my opinion and I speak from my experiences only. If you don’t like my opinion, may I suggest a few of the blogs to the right. Thank you. –Management.
It has been asked “Bonnie, why have you stopped blogging?” And my answer was “wait, there is someone else actually reading this thing?” Truth is, I’ve been outta town every weekend for the past month and if you wanted to see pictures of my adventures, you probably already have due to the phenomenon called Facebook. I wanna keep my loyal reader interested and I feel that I’m doing them an injustice by posting the same pictures that have already made their appearance on Facebook. So I’ll just discuss what’s been on my mind lately.
Peer pressure. That’s the only way to describe this fairly new stage I have entered in my life. The burning question: “so when are you and Chaz going to have a kid?” Wait…What? It seems to be the one question I get from everyone, all the time. Parents, in-laws, friends, co-workers, long-distance relatives, even my kickboxing instructor inquired. It’s a given during the holidays that I will be REPEATEDLY asked by every relative to the point that I need to wear a sign around my neck that reads: SCARED TO DEATH OF CHILDREN SO DON’T ASK!
Honestly, it really hasn’t been that big of a deal. Besides, I’ve gotten pretty good at my answers and even have them readily available when asked: I don’t have the energy, I’m too selfish, you have to clean up someone else’s bodily fluids, I want to go to the store without taking 20 minutes to get into a vehicle, I don’t want someone who is no taller than my shins copping an attitude with me, they cost bookoos of money, I like my peace in quiet, I like my own schedule, I don’t want stretch marks…should I keep going? I’ve got plenty more, but you get the idea.
After I spew off my surface-level answers, I usually get an array of responses such as “you know your eggs are drying up”, “if you wait until your 30 it increases the likelihood of _____ disease”, “back in ancient days, you would have already had 5 kids and on your death bed”, “ohhh please give me a grandchild”, and my favorite… “it’s different when it’s your own.” Hog wash. Enter: peer pressure.
This was all fine and dandy until Chaz hit his 28th birthday a few weeks ago. It’s like the idea grew with that grey hair he sprouted. He has started to say things like “Bonnie, I don’t want to be such and such age when my kid graduates.” He acts like he’s going to scooting his walker with tennis balls to his kid’s graduation if we wait a few more years. Since when is it a good idea to talk your spouse into having a kid? Listen up buddy, it ain’t working. But I love you anyway for trying. :)
My friend Ife’s blog got me thinking about how we are pressured throughout life to do things a certain way and within a certain time frame. Whether it's marriage, jobs, money, or kids...why do we do that to others and more importantly, ourselves? What’s the stinkin’ rush? I’m 25!!!
After reading this, I realize my thoughts are jumbled and in no particular order. I apologize. But I think you get the picture. Or do I need to get a sign around my neck?
7 comments:
I hear you sister! We're waiting to have kids primarily for financial reasons...aka I don't know that it would be so great for my child if I was still working 70 hours a week when he/she arrives...I say you're the one that will bear the majority of the responsibility so you decide when YOU are ready :) STAY STRONG!
Aww, Bonnie, I'm sorry to be one of those friends bugging you about it at the reunion! It truly is your decision and it will be fun no matter when you have kids.
I think it's just something ingrained (?) into society that we have to ask at a certain time. I mean, now that Savannah is nearing 2 years old, we are getting asked ALOT when we are going to try for #2. Stick to your guns, you know yourself best. You'll know when you're ready. And we love you anyway, kids or no kids. :)
Hahaha! Courtney-please girl. think it's funny!! Now my husband has started in on me. Watch me be pregnant right now and I'll look like a horrible mom! Ha!!!!
I totally agree with you!!! I get asked all the time and I spew out the same reasons you do- nobody can tell you when you're ready to have a kid, that's something you have to decide on your own and there is NOTHING wrong with waiting :)
Love you!
Please don't have babies! Your my "fun go out with" friend. If you have kids you'll turn into Debbie Downer. Stay strong Bon!
-Your non-married, no kids friend Chandy
I could totally relate to this post and enjoyed reading it! It's nice to know there are others out there who get asked this same question. I think its also a Southern thing because when I lived in Chicago, we hardly ever got asked this question--we were the weird ones for being married so young! Those of us who want to wait (for whatever reason) should stick together!
Hey Bonnie, I have been a blog-stalker and one of your readers for a while...but TRUST ME, you are not alone! :) We get the same questions from everyone we know too...and even random people we don't really know ("So, you got kids yet?" from the random co-worker.) I love your honest answers...and we're hanging in there too for at least 2 more years. :) Just think, whenever we do have kids, everyone else will be done...have stuff to 'hand down' to us, and be willing to babysit a little one since their's are all grown!! :) Ha!
Ashley (Bruner) Lee
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